More corporate welfare needed

BP isn't the only big oil company that desperately needs a tax cat -- now Exxon-Mobil does too.

They've shattered their own record for the biggest profit from operations by a U.S. corporation, earning $14.83 billion in the third quarter. Don't you realize what kind of stress making that much money causes? Have a heart!

Seriously, can't you spare some change? They need a tax break, and they need it now. You simply must sacrifice what you can to help. Give up yet another meal. Go ahead and default on your home and credit cards. Sell a kidney or two.

BP needs your help

BP, one of the oil behemoths astride the earth, needs another tax cut desperately. We MUST pull together and sacrifice to give them the tax cut they deserve. BP is in trouble, and if they're in trouble, the entire solar system is in trouble. We MUST help them.

Why do they need another tax cut?

Because they made another 10 Billion dollar profit this past quarter. That's Billion with a B. And they need a tax cut so they can afford to figure out how in the world to spend it. BP's execs are fearful that there are no more Lear jets and Rolex watches to buy, so they're stumped.

You can afford to give them their much-needed tax break. It's not like you're spending money at the grocery store anyway. You can always sell off your kids or your pets, hell, that's a few bucks right there. And when you're kicked out of your house, you don't have any more power and water bills to pay.

Please help. BP needs you.

Cats don't care if they waste water

Flying before the crash

I was in heaven.

The despair began to lift. It was a brighter day. Things were turning around. I could take the gun out of my mouth and save my suicide solution for another time.

I got gas at $3.02 a gallon last night. I was ecstatic as I drove away from the pump, feeling like I'd just won the lottery, that life was getting better.

But then it hit me... I was celebrating gas that cost more than three dollars a gallon. How sad that it had gotten so high that I would be celebrating such a price. I realized it was kind of like being kept prisoner in a dark, dank dungeon in complete utter darkness, with rats and roaches crawling over my starved and emaciated body... but then someone decided to put one small candle in the cell. Joy!

We're frogs in the kettle. Just because the temperature of the water has been dialed back a degree, doesn't mean we're still not on the way to being boiled, my fellow froggies.

By the way, those legs look juicy.

Jon Hamm (Mad Men's Don Draper) does SNL

Looking to the future

Little Opie Cunningham for Obama

See more Ron Howard videos at Funny or Die

Radio personality resigns on air

Maybe it's real, maybe it's fake, but it sounded like this:

http://www.radioearth.com/OnAirResignation.html

Extend your auto warranty

At work, I get at least two robocalls a day from someone saying this is my "LAST chance to renew my auto warranty." Considering the fact I've been getting these calls since January, this is one long-ass last chance. A couple of times, a live voice left a message on my voicemail. You'd think the fact that this is obviously a place of business would mean something, but I guess not.

I like this way this guy handled it:

Extended Car Warranty from Adrian Chen on Vimeo.

Ginger Cat for President

Nerds, I mean, Engineers and cats. Gotta love it.

Maddow rocks

I would go gay for Keith Olbermann. (Yeah, you can put that in the permanent record, so if I ever run for President, that statement can be used to end my campaign.) But I have a very deep, very meaningful crush on Rachel Maddow.

And Rachel is doing great -- she's doubled the ratings for a cable news network in a matter of days.

Rachel Maddow, a woman who does not own a television set, has done something that is virtually unheard of: she has doubled the audience for a cable news channel’s 9 p.m. hour in a matter of days.

More important for her bosses at MSNBC is that “The Rachel Maddow Show,” her left-leaning news and commentary program, has averaged a higher rating among 25- to 54-year-olds than “Larry King Live” on CNN for 13 of the 25 nights she has been host. While the average total audience of her program remains slightly smaller than that of Mr. King’s, Ms. Maddow, 35, has made MSNBC competitive in that time slot for the first time in a decade. The channel at that hour has an average viewership of 1.7 million since she started on Sept. 8, compared with 800,000 before.

Colin Powell endorses Obama

This is just too much fun

Want to waste a half hour? Check out this website:

http://palinaspresident.com/

Click on everything, and turn up your speakers. (And check it again tomorrow -- they update it with new stuff.)

Cough cough

No wonder I can't breathe.

It's fire season!

Coolest video ever

Okay, maybe not THE coolest video ever (I'm saving that rating for a possible future video release from Radiohead), but this is one of the coolest -- SpaceX rocket launch and onboard video set to the music of Crystal Method. Turn up your speakers. And yeah, download the HD version.

http://spacex.com/multimedia/videos.php?id=31

"Sue Ann Nivens" (Betty White) weighs in on McCain, Palin and Obama

Foos fight McCain

The Foo Fighters are telling John McCain "hands off their hero" song.

Yet another band is complaining about John McCain's use of their song to promote his campaign. This time, it's the Foo Fighters.

The rockers sent out a missive telling the Republican presidential candidate to stop using "My Hero." They said they learned it was being use through news reports.

"The saddest thing about this is that `My Hero' was written as a celebration of the common man and his extraordinary potential," the band said in a statement. "To have it appropriated without our knowledge and used in a manner that perverts the original sentiment of the lyric just tarnishes the song."

They laugh while we suffer

They'll scream, "You're inciting class warfare!" Well, you know what, yeah, it's class warfare. But those of us in the middle and poorer classes aren't inciting it. THEY ARE.

Today, the House Oversight Committee discovered that, just one week after the federal government bailed out insurance giant AIG, company executives went on a retreat to a luxury resort. The executives spent nearly $500,000 on manicures, facials, pedicures, and massages, among other things. During a hearing today, Rep. Elijah Cummings (D-MD) asked, “Have you heard of anything more outrageous?”:

CUMMINGS: Let me describe for some of you the charges that the shareholders, taxpayers, had to pay. AIG spent $200,000 dollars for hotel rooms. Almost $150,000 for catered banquets. AIG spent $23,000 at the hotel spa and another $1,400 at the salon. They were getting manicures, facials, pedicures and massages while American people were footing the bill. And they spent another $10,000 dollars for I don’t know what this is, leisure dining. Bars?

Watch it: